real talk. get ready.
I sent this to a sweet girl yesterday, and thought maybe, just maybe, it could help someone else. Whether an engagement ending, a breakup, a divorce-whatever, heartbreak is heartbreak. Now I don’t have all the answers…but here are my two cents, for what their worth:
Dear heartbroken,
My heart goes out to you. I know all too well what you are going through. It is SO hard going through an engagement ending. It has been almost three years now since I called off the wedding, and I swear just in this past year did I finally start to feel normal again. It takes some time, but it does happen.
I am not sure of the circumstances for why yours ended, so I will try and tell you what I DO know about how to deal, and how to move forward.
I found so much comfort in strength through leaning on my family and friends. I couldn’t have done it without them. Cling to the ones close to you, they will be there for you. Do NOT I repeat DO NOT look at this facebook, it is just better that way. You can hide him from your news feed too so you don’t see his stuff popping up all the time. it just helps you to not get upset over silly little things, and keeps your mind from wondering…
I felt like I was drowning. nearly everyday. I questioned myself a lot, but I STILL had this overwhelming feeling of relief if that makes sense, like I had made the right decision. I did the whole cry in bed and eat ice cream and watch the notebook, but I promise that makes you feel worse after the first day or so. 😉 I recommend taking care of yourself. work out, eat right, take care of your skin, get yourself ready and be productive. It helps you just feel more on top of things, and more put together, even when you feel like you are falling apart. Those are the things you can control right now, and the things you can pat yourself on the back for at the end of the day.
I had a really hard time with losing his family. They were my family. And the thought of them not being my family anymore was devastating. That is totally normal. They will always love you, and continue to be there for you, I promise. And once enough time passes and life calms down, you may even still see them.
I promise you, it does get better. with each day that passes you will feel a little more like yourself, and it won’t hurt as much. I am not sure how old you are, but I promise you, you are young, and you have all the time in the world to find someone else, who is the RIGHT one for you, and you will be like OOOOH this is why that didn’t work, and you will be so so thankful for it. I was 25 when I called off the wedding, and thought “OMG, I am NEVER gonna find someone else” but honey, 25 is so young. There is no need to rush into anything before it is RIGHT.
You won’t forget him, or forget the memories you made with him. And that is ok. Those things shape who we are. But you will forget what it is like to have feelings for him, and when that day comes, you will genuinely be able to be happy for him, and be happy that you both made this choice. I promise, promise it will be ok, and it will get better, even though it doesn’t feel like it now.
Have you heard this song? It really hit home for me, and hopefully you can find some comfort in the words. Of course, Miss Underwood 😉
And also, one more thing. Life is funny… and he may have a way of coming back into your heart and life, and THAT is ok too. Just listen to your heart, and pray about it. God has a plan for you, so hold tight to that truth. Also, please remember, that the only people that can say if the relationship is right or wrong are the two of you living it, so try and tune out others opinions. At the end of the day it is YOUR life and YOUR decision of what is right and wrong for you. So be strong.
You will be ok.
I hope I was able to help in some small way.
xoxo
What a sweet and powerful letter!!!
Pretty sure I know who this was sent to. I hate seeing her go through this and I too have tried finding the right words to say to her. You did a wonderful job, PLL — brought tears to my eyes. I'm going through a breakup myself and this brought comfort to my heart. You're such a sweet girl. Thank you for this!!
I feel like you wrote this for me! I am recently going through a divorce and it is still so difficult. Thank you so much for the hope and encouragement… it is definitely what I needed after "one of those' weeks!
Even though I am not going through a break~up this still gave me chills and if I was this would have definitely helped. You have such a wonderful heart!
You are such a sweet hearted person.
"you have all the time in the world to find someone else, who is the RIGHT one for you, and you will be like OOOOH this is why that didn't work, and you will be so so thankful for it"
This statement couldn't be more true.
Thank you for writing this!
You are such an inspiration to so many!
Spot on! I went through a tough break up a couple of years ago and it wasn't until this past year did I really feel normal and whole again.
I'll keep this letter and share with others who are going through the same thing.
I did not write you that letter, but damn it feels like you are speaking to my soul sister! I am in tears reading these words right now. I am 12 days out from a broken engagement and ending an 8 year relationship at 28. Everything feels shaky and confusing and scary, but this does give me hope. I know that I was meant to see this today! And I thank God for my blogger friends and YOU!
This is just one of the many things I love about the blogging community. No matter what you are going through, someone else has gone through the same thing and can offer advice and a shoulder to cry on. This is so sweet and so kind of you to share for others! You are such a doll! xoxo Have a great weekend girl 🙂
PLL, you are such a sweet person. I'm not going through a break-up (just a single girl, livin it up) but if I needed a pick me up this would be perfect.
By the way, I was thinking of the Carrie song the entire time I was reading this.
XO
Breakups are definitely hard. I love your message and your words of advice.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday! 🙂
such true words PLL. True and wise. There is a reason you have a lot of good friends. 🙂
i am so with sami. my goodness this blogging community rocks. i just went through a divorce at 25. ugh. that was hard to say. this gave me chills, made me cry, gave me all kinds of emotions.
you are amazing lady. amazing. this wasn't for me, but it means more to me than you will ever know. xoxo.
Oh how right you are!! Thanks for this post today. So happy Nikki @ The Pink Growl read this. I know she needed to see this and I am sure it helps her feel not so alone. You have such a good heart!! xoxo
This is precious and something that even I needed to hear today. xoxo
I am currently not going through a break up but you still help me through something that I still think about all the time! You are amazing.
PLL you had me on the verge of tears! You are so positive and uplifting and it's such a breath of fresh air! XOX and happy weekend!
Thank you for sharing such an amazing and well written letter 😀 I know that this will help many people!
all of this is so true. i dated someone for two years, and we weren't engaged, but damn my world stopped, even though i was the one to call it off. it's weird to imagine, but you are right. you feel lots of pain, but still relief that you did the right thing. and yes, one day, you wake up and realize that you cannot remember what it was like to have feelings for him. and you think that's crazy, because you thought it would never ever happen.
I needed this so much! Thank you!!
Couldn't have said it better myself. Trust in God and He'll show you what He has for you!
This was super sweet of you! Poor thing :(.. things are tough sometimes , but they usually work out for the best, even if you don't realize it for a long time… but they DO get better
On a happier note, I am hosting my first Giveaway, so dont forget to check out it out.
http://www.showeredwithdesign.blogspot.com/2012/11/hosting-my-first-giveaway.html
What a lovely letter <3 I am sure this helped her as well as a few other ladies it seems. This is such a difficult time to go through and really focusing on yourself is so important.
Amazing letter, so true it is going to hurt and all that but it will be better in time
How sweet are you!? Love this little letter thang!
How funny you have posted this. I am going through a rough break up and almost emailed you a few weeks ago to ask HOW you knew you made the right choice. God knew I needed your words without me even asking you! Thank you for this!
What kind words…thank you for sharing your wisdom xoxo
I'm a couple weeks out of a four year relationship that ended. My world is upside down. When I opened your blog today and found this post, I cried the entire way through. I needed this post.
Thank you for letting me know I am not alone and there is life after this.
I love this! I went through a breakup not too long ago and this is what I needed to hear!
Wow this is so inspiring and powerful!! We all need to hear these things when going through a break up of any kind. This post just goes to show how strong, independent, and classy you truly are sister!! Thank you for sharing… I REALLY needed to hear these amazing reminders 🙂
I needed this yesterday…I came back again because I needed to hear it again today. This is pretty special. oxo
This was great to read. I just ended a four year relationship almost two weeks ago and today has been really difficult since it would've been our anniversary. I know in my heart that it was the right choice but it's still really hard! Loved this letter 🙂
This post was perfect! I agree with everything you said… so spot on!
Your blog was one of the first I started reading consistently a couple of years ago and it was because I too had gone through a broken engagement. It was nice to hear that I would feel better, but it didn't help me much. What did help was knowing that I was not the first or the only person to feel the way I did. It was a terrible pain and I would never wish the feeling on anyone. Your words are spot on though. It is very brave of you to have shared that experience in such a raw and public way. I truly appreciate it and obviously others do as well.
And this is why PLL is the blogging goddess.
thank you for posting this. So much. I called off my wedding last year, and the "big day" was a couple of months ago. That day was hard. Every day is hard, even now. I have already been in and out of what I thought was a meaningful relationship in the year after I left my ex…and some days I just want to stay in bed and cry. Most days, actually.
Reading this helped me SO MUCH. Thank you again.
Cate
Thank you for sharing this! I needed to read it! Different situation but still good advice! 🙂
I loved this! So heartfelt and genuine. It really does just take a lot of time to get over a serious relationship ending. I have been with my amazing boyfriend for a year and a half now, but before him I dated someone off and on for about four years. It took me at least a year to feel normal again, but once I really got him out of my life, I was so so happy that I did. It was really the right decision for me to move forward with my life. I'm still so grateful that he is out of my life.
So well written!! 🙂
Precious! I walked away from an engagement once and I am so glad because God had the perfect man for me in the end. Some day it will get better!
I've never been in this kind of situation, but I know this will help a lot of young ladies out there. Bless you!
xoxo
I ended my engagement when I was also 25 and I just knew the situation wasn't right for me. It was a very difficult time but I am happy to say that now, at 31, I am happily engaged to the man of my dreams!! We are getting married in 2014 and I couldn't be happier.
Things happen for a reason and if a situation isn't right for you, and you know it, get out. You'll never regret making the right decision for yourself.
xoxo
Lori
I needed this…thanks 🙂
So beautiful! You are so right about all of this. I love your heart, you are an amazing girl, sister! The lucky guy who wins your heart is gonna be so blessed! 🙂 xo!
Reading this really gave me hope and brought my spirits up a bit. I'm going through a break-up and it's just what I needed to hear. Such kind, sweet words! xoxo
Such a great letter. Thanks for sharing!
I just found this post through Take Two's blog and I am so glad I did. I am going through a bad break up right now. I am on the other end of it, being the one broken up with. It still helped me and gave me hope. I have been feeling so alone because many, most, of my friends are in relationships and i am once again one of the only single ones and I knwoing there are others out there going through a rough break up makes me feel a little less…worse.
Thank you for this.
I really needed this today. Thank you, Allie!
Do you mind if I copy & paste this to my blog? I'll give you all the credit of course. 🙂